Pendulum

The pendulum is swinging.
I hate you.
I hate your voice.
I hate your eyes.
I hate the way you ignore me.
I hate how you have taken over me.
I hate you so much
that I would miss you when you leave,
that I will cry tears of sorrow for you,
that I dream of touching you,
holding you,
that your rejection is worse than Death.
I go to sleep,
thinking of how to forget you,
thinking of how to push you out,
thinking of what I am going to do about you,
thinking of you.
I hate you so bad,
that it makes me love you.

Be Here

I want to sit next to you,
hold your hand.
I want to put an arm around you,
rest my head on your shoulder.
I want to be the one who tells you
that I was there when you forgot everything.
I want to be the one 
who cries when you cry,
who laughs when you laugh,
who sits silently beside you
when you want to be left alone,
as if I am not even there.
But I want to be there.
I am here for you,
even if you aren't here.

Don't

Don't look at me.
Don't smile at me.
Don't touch me.
Don't be there for me.
Don't save me.
Don't be around.
Don't call.
Don't speak.
Don't make me wonder.
Don't leave me sleepless, 
curled up in bed,
staring at the window,
earphones on, 
silence everywhere.
Don't do anything.
Don't make me love you.

Free

Running,

stumbling on roots;

tearing through conflicting branches;

stopping. Gasping. Gazing at green.

Collapsing on the soft grass,

taking in the power;

sun shine burning all around,

the sky painted with yellow and blue.

Peace flowing gently,

like a river, flooding the scene;

even breathing, eyes closed,

a smile playing on the lips.

Nature absorbing its surroundings,

serenity freeing the mind;

first a hair, then a head,

slowly everything, including the smile.

Yards of Nature for miles, 

birds chirping, trees swaying;

the soft grass pressed and bent in one spot,

showing where someone once lay.

Imperfection

Why is it so hard to tell you?
Why is it so hard for you to tell me;
tell me anything.
Tell me to go away,
tell me you hate me,
tell me you never want to see me again,
tell me you don't want me to stay.
tell me you can't,
tell me.
Speak to me.
Torture me with your voice,
kill me with your eyes.
Why the silence?

I know what I want to hear.
I want you to tell me to stay,
I want you to tell me that you live by seeing me everyday,
and that you want to stay too.
I want you to hold me,
I want to hold you.
I want to be the support to you that you support,
I want to be everything you need,
I want you to be everything I live on. 
I want so much...

There is no space,
no place to be, 
nothing.
You are the oxygen, I am the flame,
there will always be an explosion.
There will always be scars,
there will always be flaws,
always someone to blame.
How much ever we wish it away,
you are still the fire, I am still the rain,
there will always be a hope being put out.

There is no perfection,
no medium of communication that means anything,
there is always a disaster, 
there is always tears, 
always a broken heart,
there is nothing left to fight for...

Yet, somehow,
there is still so much said,
there is still a miracle,
there is so much to fight for...
there is still so much more to fight for...

Connected

I din't think of you,
I din't care at all.
I couldn't care less
if you were going to die the next minute.
My life, my future, my tomorrow did not depend on you.

But then you happened.
You happened like someone slapping me hard across the face.

You took over my life
faster than sunlight reaching my window.

Then you stuck to my heart like capillary,
you were glued to my mind like an emotion,
you were drilled into my skull like a titanium screw,
and somehow, you became as important to me as breathing itself.

Even though I tried to fight,
I knew that something this connected (as well as disconnected) to my life,
was never going to go away,
even if I died trying.

The "Sign"

Sometimes it is just so hard to keep up when you feel you saw it. You feel you saw that sign from that one person, when actually that one person is going in the opposite direction. You smile the whole day just to end up crying again. In the end, you go to sleep just the way you wake up: tired and groggy. The much anticipated moment is never as magical as you dream it to be, because change attacks it like a hawk attacking a mouse. Change occurs to everything. You try to change something for the better, and you get eaten by a hawk. That is  what happens almost every time you get the "sign."