Blinded By Confusion

Confusion.
Every time I feel light-headed, confusion follows the wonderful feeling.
Why can't everything be black and white?
Why do they have to be shades of grey?
I feel like people are grabbing my soul a hundred different ways,
and are yanking it in a hundred different directions.
People tell me to listen to my heart,
to do what I feel is right.
My heart just shut up,
and I can't tell right from wrong...

Love At First Sight

I have these insane thoughts running in my head
and they are all about you.
The way you talk,
your imperfect, yet beautiful smile,
the way your eyes glow in the sun,
your expressions, varying from the darkest frowns and stares,
to the lightest grins and laughs,
without even wanting to
I have memorised them all.
What is this?
It isn't love for sure.
With you I get angry everyday,
there is jealousy in me
whenever I see you smile at another.
I want to punch you for all the times
you gave up the time we spend talking to each other,
to talk to this person who seems to have no significance in your life,
It seems like centuries before we speak to each other.
When I sit down and think logically
I should just stay away
and let you do what you want without me in it.
But in the end, you haul me back,
with those looks that have many effects on me.
It all began with the looks,
but it will never end because of those looks.
Now your looks have gone down,
but why do I feel like they will never stop?
Just yesterday when I sat by the window
embracing a fear that was spreading within me,
I turned in time to see your latest glance,
and that was all I needed,
to blink and look away
and wonder,
without much talking,
without friendship,
without a sense of commitment,
can there be love?
Is this what they call love at first sight?

Walking In The Rain

I went for a walk in the rain.

Climbing up the stairs I stared into the horizon,

A sky blue umbrella in my hand,

Earphones plugged in my ears.

Carefully I treaded on the wet floor,

Trying not to slip,

And as I walked out of the shade,

The rain fell on me like a gentle breeze.

At first, I was worried

When the rain found me despite the open umbrella,

Then slowly my worries became distant,

And the rain was all I thought about.

The rain used to worry me,

And I never seemed to like it too much,

I smiled at how I used to be,

And felt grateful for what I am now.

My jeans were soaked,

I began to shiver,

Yet this all did not bother me,

All I felt was the beauty of the rain.

I kicked off my slippers,

And welcomed the water surrounding my feet.

The rain washed away reality,

And I was lost, in my own world, happy and secure.

Everyone has tough moments in life,

And to forget the past is not easy to do,

 If you ever wonder, am I happy?

Then I know exactly what you should do.

Whenever it is raining

Drop whatever you are doing

Without a care

Just take a walk in the rain.

If you think, worry, regret,

Then there is no doubt about the fact

That you are disturbed,

And are not at peace with yourself.

If, despite of everything, you smile and laugh,

And let the rain take you somewhere happy,

Then, both you and I will know,

That you are happy, the happiest person on Earth.

Reality

In the depths of my dreams,
I see you smile as you reach for a pencil and a paper,
you sit down, gazing ahead, in dilemma,
then finally you make a decision both you and I wish you never made.
Your hand moves on the paper with skill,
and as your reference moves, you stop,
and say a name.
My name.
Months later, in my wake, I wish I could wipe my name out of your head,
in my sleep I think of your smile,
your coal-black eyes,
you as a whole.
Sometimes, when I feel obliged to pray,
I beg the god I know who does not exist,
to make me sleep forever, 
so that my dreams would become my reality.

HONESTY

I said something,
out if boiling curiosity.
The effect was something
I did not expect.
To a close, yet distant soul,
I am invisible,
hiding behind dishonesty.
I cannot speak eye to eye,
I cannot help but feel uneasy,
I don't want to come out
and face my fears.
This lie is spreading like a cancer,
crippling me mentally.
There is this unbearable fire
in my mind, burning...
How much ever I tried to hold on,
honesty has abandoned me completely.

Hope In A Hopeless World

This land is being painted
with the blood of tigers.
Deep in the forest
lay a wounded striped beast
the gold and yellow and black
standing out among the leaves.
Around her were her
dumbstruck, terrified cubs,
with invisible tears of despair
drenching their fur.
With a flash jumps out of the trees
a poacher, his eyes shining 
with a sense of victory.
There begun a story
of a mother begging for her life
for the sake of her helpless children.
A mother speaking to the Devil,
who is killing her
for his own profit.
The tigress spoke through
her terrified molten gold eyes.
Nothing.
The man felt nothing.
Like white fire,
out came a long sword-like knife,
shimmering in the sunlight.
First there was a horrific silence.
Then came an agonising roar,
which sounded like a 
woman screaming.
Then a brief silence,
after which the cubs fled,
whimpering with numb shock.
Silence takes over
the forest, the world,
and the sun begins to set,
as the light slowly
goes out
in the eyes of a mother,
praying that her cubs will live 
in these impossible conditions,
and wishes for the survival
of her brothers and sisters.
Hope in a hopeless world...

I want to be with you, Jo...

The first time I caught sight,

of that golden-golden hair,

of those dark mysterious eyes,

and lips the colour of cherry.

My heart did a back-flip,

it almost tore its way out,

to reach you,

my sweet Jo.

I was bad ass,

I wasn’t the type,

yet like cheesy poetic fools,

you became my inspiration.

Chorus:

I hate seeing all that blood

staining your beautiful skin,

and to see you gasp for air,

as life is flying away from you.

Though I kiss you goodbye,

though I am holding your hand for the last time,

it doesn’t cover, 

what I want to say forever.

I swear I want to cry,

but I am too much of an idiot,

to come up to you when you are dying,

to look into your eyes with tears and emotions,

to say that I love you.

—-

We worked together from time to time,

and we showed those evil sons of bitches what we were made of,

and, always, I would notice the sweet smile,

that lit up your face, and my life.

Oh god Jo…

how many times I wished,

that this stupid behaviour of mine would take a back seat,

that you would smile as I smiled,

and for eternity we would remain that way…

(Chorus)

I wish I cherished every moment,

every second that I was with you.

But both of us thought time was on our side,

and we din’t give a damn,

and we waited for the war to be over.

Now I sit here beside you,

after hell hounds tore you apart

And as The Devil catches up,

I wish life was never like this,

I wish I could die with you…

I shudder seeing all that blood

staining your beautiful skin,

and I hate to see you gasp for air,

as life is flying away from you.

Though I kiss you goodbye,

though I am holding your hand for the last time,

it doesn’t cover, 

what I want to say forever.

I swear I want to cry,

but I am too much of an idiot,

to come up to you when you are dying,

to look into your eyes with tears and emotions,

to say that I love you.

As I run away from you,

all the bombs defuse, 

and fire and explosions 

is all I see.

I stop and take a good look.

Then I wish again and again.

I wish I was dead.

I wish I could be with you.

I wish I was dying with you.

I wish we could be together…forever.

Dead loved ones

So many people I cared about,

so many people I loved.

I can't stop thinking about this.

They all died.

Some begged me to kill them.

Some I had to kill.

Some died because of me.

Some I just could not save.

Will there ever be a time,

where I will wake up one morning,

and not wish that some one would die,

and not wish that I was dead.

But I can't

I look in the mirror,

I see myself.

I see those eyes I’ve seen for years.

I see my features, all of them.

There is a scar on my forehead,

I want to reach up and touch it,

to make me remember what I want to remember.

But I can’t.

My arms stay where they are.

And I realise.

No, not only me.

Him.

He realises too.

I want to scream my lungs out.

But I can’t.

I look into the mirror again.

Now I see both,

me, and him.

He smiles, and I see how smug he is.

He stares, smiles, then laughs.

He laughs at my misery.

I see myself laughing,

the sides of my eyes crinkling,

my eyes looking each like a wing of a bird.

I want to cry.

I want to feel hot tears running down my cheek.

I want to sob.

But I can’t.

So I cry inwardly.

It’s so unusual.

I am laughing and crying at the same time.

He sees this,

and starts laughing harder,

which makes him cry.

I got my wish,

but I am crying for all the wrong reasons.

I want to feel like I am running free in an open meadow,

I want to feel the sun on my skin.

I want to have control over my body.

I want to be alone in my head.

But, I can’t.

Look, you're my brother. And I'd die for you.

Sometimes we fight,I get it.

I never listen to what you have to say,

maybe because I don't get your point.

And you never listen to me,

because...you're you.

Well we've been through hell bro

because I may be a selfish idiot,

and you may be a stuck up fool,

but, the truth is,

all we've got is each other.

I know you worry about me,

because that is what siblings do.

You never show me what's really inside you;

that is your way of calming me down.

So remember this:

We're family,

and right now,

family is all we've got.

Look, you're my brother. And I'd die for you.

Fear and Confusion

It feels so weird,

when you don't know what you are feeling...

You scream,

but you don't know why.

You feel the fire burning you,

but you don't know why.

You sit down and cry for yourself,

but you don't know why.

There has been a time,

where I did things,

screaming, shouting, sabotaging, crying, howling,

but I never knew why.

I searched all over,

but I never found the reason why I am not what I was,

why I am a total stranger, even to myself.

What is this confusion...

when will I finally feel relief,

and know that my problems and fear will never pin me down to the ground again?

Eternal torture

If I choose to run away,

a collar of shame will be bestowed upon me.

It is ordinary to see cuts and bruises on me,

from the chains that held me in my place.

I wonder sometimes, if I am human,

why am i treated like dirt lying around?

I arrived at me master's house, only five,

my name changed to Nobody.

Whips cut into my back

a back not so different from my master's,

except my master's is fair and white,

while mine is dark, like the night.

This is why I am in this state,

the reason why I choose death over life.

This minor difference is the reason for my slavery,

the cause of eternal torture...

Today, tomorrow, forever

You laugh and take me into your arms.

I sigh in comfort,as  my fingers intertwine with yours

The words you whisper, you lips brushing my ear,

we are so close, there is nothing i have to fear.

We stand there quietly, my eyes staring into yours,

you smile instantly, making me want you more.

Then you pull me close, your face buried in my hair,

and the world just stops, everything is just so fair

Chorus:

The way you looked at me the first time we met,

is something I would dir for to live through again.

The very first words which proved your affection,

the memory makes me lose all sensation.

Everything about you is just so perfect,

loving you is something I will never regret.

We are do different, yet we are one soul,

we live for eachother, for eachother to behold. 

You are my life now

today, tomorrow, forever.

----

Life is such a dream when you are around me

I am the princess longing for the knight's bravery.

It is hard to get angry at you,

and you always laugh whatever I do.

Sometimes I cry, the reasons unknown,

you are with me, comforting me as I mourn.

When the tears atop flowing, I find myself in your arms,

Shielding me from further harm.

(Chorus)

Every day you appear beside me, cheerful as ever.

The look on your face a forget-me-never.

Every day, your amile makes my heart go numb,

and then, all of a sudden, your kiss makes me jump.

Whether it rains or shines,

nothing is going tp change the fact that you're mine,

But to you, I belong more,

your existence is enough a reason for my heart to soar.

The times you play me songs on your guitar

are the times that I am convinced you're from heaven afar.

And when we sing together,

I know we are meant for each other.

The way you looked at me the first time we met

is the very look you give me again and again.

The very first words which proved your affection

are the words you whisper to me everyday, without any intention.

Everything about you is just so perfect,

loving you is something I can never regret.

We have our differences, yet we are one soul,

one soul for another, a soul for another to behold.

You are my life, joy and soul,

today, tomorrow, forever.

You will always be a dream come true,

today, tomorrow, forever.

Strum your guitar

I sing my song of hope

listening to the notes you play.

Tears dripping on the lyrics.

So many promises always kept

Why do we break this one?

Eyes closed, saying a silent prayer.

(chorus)

One note I long for

from your instrument of heaven.

Looking for a ray of hope.

My eyes will always be on you

waiting for your move, to

strum your guitar.

-

My head hurts thinking of you

but my heart hurts more.

Fingers crossed in belief.

I want to say to you

tell you not to go away.

Hands holding the lyrics.

(chorus)

I seat myself at your unwelcoming feet

my pleading eyes in yours.

Tears on your guitar.

I fell like forever we'll be like this

if only you'd never leave me alone.

My hands in yours.

One note i beg for

from your music, which I love more than anything else.

Embracing the ray of hope.

My eyes will always be on you

waiting patiently for your move

to strum your guitar.

Sinner or Saviour?

i smile at my victim

who in fact...isnt a victim at all

the guilty deserve to die

the guilty are victims of their own misdeeds.

i tlk to the sinner in front of me

and i feel we connect

except he kills the innocent

while i kill the guilty.

i let the moment arrive

and then, in the plastic covered room,

i raise the weapon suitabe for this situation

and kill the guilty.

i have my moment

stare at the corpse in front of me

i get ready to get rid of that too

when, i hear a noise.

i look out of the glass on the door

and there i see a person

with shock i run outside

and there she is, covered with marks of abuse.

she attempts to run away

but her wounded feet make her fall

seems to me that she has been falling for a long time

with wounds she is afraid of.

i grab a hold of her

and she lies in my arms

gasping, looking everywhere for a safe place

looking at me with the fear of me doing the same to her 

the thing she has lived in for so long

abuse

with one more eyeroll

she faints, her wounds smarting

i stare at her, helpless, wondering what to do with this... witness

whether to save her or kill her.

saving an innocent is a blessing but for me...it is a death sentence for me

killing an innocent is a sin...but for me it is a new lease of life

what to do? my father's two rules come in here

-never kill an innocent

-never get caught.

with a quick recap of what just happened

i digest the facts that were building up

she saw everything

she saw me.

i have to decide-save or kill?

what does this make me

what am i now?

sinner...or saviour?

poem...

take me away from here,

save me from myself

save me from my hidden nature

the nature so twisted and corrupt, it sickens me.

take me away from a person i cant seem to stop

myself.

take me away from this society

the society which mocks my every action

why, even i dont know.

take me away from the devil

wgo smiles at my misery

and flowers in other's joy

putting me to blame.

take me away from the joke of the generation.

myself

take me awayfrom the corruption

which is yet to engulf me

yet maybe already has.

take me away from the life filled with sickly fun,

make me a saint.

take me away from my destroyer,

myself.