PAIN, FIRE, & HEARTBREAK

I thought I would never write again.
The fear of reality tied me up,
and did not let go,
until heartbreak was what happened to me.

I am surprised I actually found the courage to do this.
After all the hatred my pen and notebook begot,
I should lock myself in a closet, and stay there forever.
Still, here I am, in the midst of hatred, writing.

I write words of pain coming from love,
love, which makes me, forget everything.
When this emotion was beautiful, I forgot my skill,
now that I am shattered, I wield my pen again.

The words I write now I do for a reason,
to tell the world what it is to love an angel,
and still love that soul when angel turns devil,
and still love despite all the odds.

There was once this person who came to me,
a person who I hid my true self from,
and showed a mask made out of false personality,
the mask which led to pain unbearable.

Just when I decided to be myself,
the other changed, not even knowing it,
and there I stood, filled with fear,
and pain so horrible I could not move.

Forget, I said, crying to myself,
yet I made the worst of mistakes,
and that soul flew farther away,
trying to keep me out of sight.

For a while, I managed to forget through fear,
and smiled away to hide my pain,
but then ghosts haunted me day and night,
and once again, I fell, hard.

Now I simply watch in silence,
and note every reaction down on my heart,
for now I am numb to everything but pain,
and this will keep me dead for life.

Every day I burn in hell,
every night, saying one name, I cry myself to sleep.
Though many jeer me for loving in pain,
I will never be free of this love again...