TORN...

I was shouting at her,

at my best friend,

when she was right.

I felt like smashing the receiver into the wall,

I wanted to hit my head on the floor,

because she said that she would never speak to me again,

because I had done the wrong thing.

It was equivalent to breaking the law.

She wanted me to choose:

her friendship over something I may never do again.

And there I was,

shouting at her for the very first time.

I wanted to tell her how it was tearing me into pieces,

this decision.

I don't trust myself enough,

I trust her more than I trust myself,

I love her more than I love myself.

I agree with her;

I am weak, pathetic,

I do what I can to reach the top of the food chain.

And I ignore dangers..

She told me to choose:

her over popularity,

or else she ceases to exist.

She did that to save me,

from dangers that may never leave me alone,

once they start to follow me.

Yet I can't promise, choose, or swear,

because I am addicted.

Addicted to this joy I get,

from doing the wrong thing.

I screamed at my best friend,

I refused to listen to her,

and now I feel torn,

with a gash so deep that it may never heal...